s-c-a-r-e-d

i realise that the word SCARED is a very strong and impactful word on me.

because of SCARED,
i tend to hold myself back from doing alot of things.
i tend to restrict myself to certain things.
i tend to be wary and cautious of my actions.
i tend to think ALOT before i act. (there's alot of WHAT IFs goin thru my head)
and i usually take the safer and logical path.

im just scared of what the outcome gonna be
...scared of makin mistakes

basically, im just scared of getting hurt...one way or another.
i noe, who doesnt, right?
but thats just me.
i have this tendency of "once bitten, twice shy" attitude in me.
that i get serik easily. that "i-dont-wanna-go-thru-again." scenario.

im scared of not living to expectations. mine or my parents..or just the ppl ard me.
truthfully, im scared to show my true emotions and feelings too.
cos all this will lead to me getting hurt.

i noe its not healthy but i cant stop being scared. hur hur.

i guess i need to learn to take risks. :/

family buka!

"korg-korg eh..korg tau..korg cheat my money...sampe i go
BANKRUPT!" - shla

hehe.

had a superbly fruitful day.
its a gd thing i dint go sch today.
went to buka wit the whole family.
and i getta see my sis2. its been soooo long since i last saw her.
sisterly love babe!
AND ONCE AGAIN I GOT TEASED BY THEM. hur hur.

we went to eat at Makmur Cafe.
table for 7..but as usual..it comes in 4..so we're given 8 seater tables.
so definitely there's an extra seat. and so my mom went..
"sheela, ade lagi satu eh. tak nk ckp ah. but there's rm for one more. hehe"
then everyone started teasing me..again.
(looks like there's a PERMANENT slot during family gatherings to tease me eh..)
dad + mom
sis1 + bro1
sis2 + bro2
me + ??????
n yes they are encouragin or cant wait to see the guy thats gonna end up wit me. thank you very much. the pressure is on man!

the dishes were great!!!! n superbly YUMMILICIOUS!!!
beancurds, chickens, sotongs, fishes, beefs, prawns, eggs
haha..bulan ramadhan..mcm feasting gitu.

we ended the day playin monopoly.
yes..the old school monopoly with the money n dice.
but this time its not the original monopoly, its the disney monopoly. so all the graphics are disney related. CUTE!
only my dad, me, sis1 and her hubby played.
we played till 2 am!! hahahahha!!! hardcore man!
so the bankrupt list goes like this.
me > my sis > my dad . thus the ultimate winner was my broinlaw. cheater! haha.

it was fun.
but i went bankrupt first.
all because we played wrongly. HAHAHAHHA!!!
so i had to pay alot to other players. n aft i went bankrupt then my sis realize that we played wrongly cos she was reading the manual. hur hur.

"korg-korg eh..korg tau..korg cheat my money...sampe i go BANKRUPT!" - shla

that esp applies to my bro in law.
the story is too long to be typed down. so yea.
lets just say that he (esp) was the one that made me go bankrupt!
hehe.

AND!!! i getta watch tv again.
so i dint miss tonight's criminal minds show (yay! cute guy cute guy!!!)
and bones. hehe.

all in all..i had a blast today.
got myself a new tudung too. i just felt like buying something. heh!

sorang

been doin alot of thinkin..ever since my sis got married..n im the only child at home..n p3 is over.

my mind always fly to lala land n gets me reflecting on anything and everything.

this esp happens when im on the bus. yikes!

so yea..being the only child at home kinda sucks.

ull hafta think hardcore of what to do and wit who.

just the thot of HOW TO SPEND UR DAY? is tiring.

cos sometimes u just wanna go out (impromptu)..but u dun hav any company..n imagine walkin ard town..alone..its super boring hardcore!

plus..sisters hav their hubbies..n parents are always out..so ur more likely to be by urself.. most of the time. :/

like what zie said, "sometimes it sucks being the youngest".

hence, proven.

so having said that..i guess now everyones noes im a "home-y' person.

i hav nowhere to go!! i need to make more frens.

on the other hand, i am trying to make sure that i buka wit those close to me at least once.

so that kinda fill up some of my time

i just like company.

i like talkin.

i like listenin to ppl talk.

i like sharing sessions.

so the idea of me being alone or having to spend my time alone really bores me.

now tell me, WHAT CAN I DO?

"you will definitely get hurt if you let out all of ur heart and emotions, thus cover up." - shla (hah!)